not so surprised

the last couple of days i have been able to spend time reflecting on the past week. i was having a hard time thinking of ways that God had "surprised me." i think that instead of God not "surprising me," it is more that God is not giving me what i want. the way that God has been working in my life lately has been revealing a lot of things about myself and about who He wants me to be...things i wasn't really ready for. it just isn't much fun. when my phone beeps every hour my prayer time has been really tough. instead of God "surprising me" with a million dollars or a parking space that i really really really really need, He has been showing me my limitations, areas in my life that need improvement, and challenging some of my beliefs.

maybe it's not that God just threw me a surprise and stepped up the realization in my life, but maybe it is that i actually took time out of my day to pursue Him. so just maybe the surprise is that i don't need to be surprised... i just need to pay attention?