emo moment

there is this picture of my brother and i on the bookshelf in my living room. i stared at this picture tonight for the longest time. it was as if the people in the picture were just a couple of people i knew at one time. i can't figure out why. it hurts though. i have a completely different life that he isn't a part of at all. in a really strange disappointing way i feel like i have just moved on instead of whatever it was i was supposed to do. it is easier to just forget that it ever happened. but i obviously am not good at that. i guess the really completely devastating thing about it is that it just sucks!

when people you love die...it sucks. and you miss them so much but you have to keep going because life doesn't stop. nothing stops. even a year and half later you just need a minute to catch your breath and let it sink in that this is really your life and he really isn't here...but it doesn't. so you deal. and i will deal. but for the record, it sucks.