happy new year?

As you can tell by my blog, I am not a really intense blogger. I have had this blog for a while but it has become my ritual to write something and erase it shortly after. I am feeling that this will be a really good thing for me.

On Friday, the 28th, my baby brother died. He was 17 years old and it was a complete shock. I guess car accidents usually aren't planned. Life as I knew it completely vanished all in one night...within a couple of hours. It is the new year. Most people are busy breaking resolutions and yet the only thing that I can think about is the fact that I am going into 2008 without my brother...only memories. I do have this overwhelming peace that calms all of my fears, but at the same time I am empty. There is this feeling of dis-belief, my family already lost a dad and husband. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!!! I almost had this thought that we were exempt from another death. The two most important men in my life are now gone and I am left to figure out how life goes on through that. I feel that my family just now, 5 1/2 years later, figured out what normal was and are now forced to adjust yet again. Friday, around 5:10pm, I saw my brother and at 5:30pm he was dead. What does it mean to praise through a storm? Momentary affliction? God working all things for good? I will be honest and tell you I don't have any idea, but this thing I know with all my heart is that God is faithful. I know that for the first time my brother knows exactly how much God loves him. I am hurting and question God, but He can handle it.

(please be advised that this next section is completely cheesy and cliche...but true)
My New Year's resolution is to live and love as if our days are numbered.